WORDS TO LIVE BY

"Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me."

Carol Burnett (1933 - )

Carol Burnett is living proof that you can change your life. Born of alcoholic parents and raised by her grandmother, she stumbled into acting in college while studying to be a writer. With her mother's harsh words still lingering in her ears, "You can always write, no matter what you look like", she took the stage, having to as part of her curriculum - and the audience loved her comedic display.

Said Burnett, "All of a sudden, after so much coldness and emptiness in my life, I knew the sensation of all that warmth wrapping around me. I had always been a quiet, shy, sad sort of girl and then everything changed for me. You spend the rest of your life hoping you'll hear a laugh that great again."

There is no need to be the mold of someone else's ideal. Pay attention to (supposed) coincidence and chance, and move when inspired. 

Make your life be what you want it to be.

A LIFE SHARED

Thirty-seven years ago today, I married my best friend, my husband. How does a love last so long? Understanding - Compromise - Laughter

A Life Shared

 My, oh my how time does fly

I look back and I think

On all the times of life we’ve had

Such memories that I keep.

We were mere children when we met

So very long ago

Searching for that friend for life

For love, could we make it so?

Trouble here and trouble there

We both had our share

Bad times, sad times, mad times too

Even so you always cared.

Looking back on friends we miss

Some family forever gone

Loves that failed, children derailed,

You and me we never let go.

Hand in hand we’d walk this land

Never to be alone

A promise made so long ago

The same as written in stone.

We’ve had this one life to live

And with nothing had it all

Me and you we always knew

Stay true and neither would fall.

To this in retrospect my love

Best friend forever more

As we grow old in each other's arms

My love for you still soars!

An original poem by Nancy Elizabeth Luz (C) 2011

85 %

I have read that 85% of American families are dysfunctional. The criteria that was used to define 'dysfunctional' was never revealed, but suffice it to say that most of us do not come from the ideal and ever-perfect family. 

That said, and being that we are overall the byproduct of dysfunctionality, do we also contribute? Do we look everywhere but internally while claiming dysfunctional! As Michael Jackson sang, "I'm starting with the man in the mirror."

Much of behavior is learned - think back to Pavlov's dogs. According to modern psychology, "...people can learn to associate neutral stimuli (such as smell or sounds) that produce reflexive, involuntary responses (such as salivation or feelings of serenity or anxiety)." For me, I get a nostalgic feeling and a deep serenity every time I hear a twin engine plane drone overhead. The feeling is intensified if it is raining lightly. On the other hand, the buzzing of a wasp or the voice of a certain someone... 

Hmm... Does just the sound of the shrill voice of a relative also send you into a spin? Does the sight of your cousin's car pulling into your driveway send you into a depression? Do you react historically, in a Pavlov's dogs reaction?

When we manifest a conditioned response (our reaction) we give perpetual life to the unwanted behavior by others (the trigger, or in psych terms - the stimuli). It's a give and take, a merry-go-round that is not at all merry. Someone annoys you and so you push their buttons. Maybe you say nothing and the perpetrator goes unchallenged. What does this do? It gives the situation strength and endurability. Psychologists would say the conditioned response (you) becomes a 'reinforcer' and gives ongoing life to whatever dysfunctional interaction is in play.

Finding a way out of this kind of trap and calling 'game over' is one of the hardest things a person can do. No one wants to alienate or insult another, especially if these people are family or close acquaintances, and standing up for ourselves can be difficult. 

So, for some great tips on how to handle difficult people (while keeping yourself sane), check out this link for a fascinating look into human behavior types and the most effective way to interact with them.

https://www.deepakchopra.com/blog/article/4497

Perhaps we can get that 85% down a little!

  

THE ROLES WE PLAY

Today is Memorial Day, a time to remember those who have gone before us and to honor our veterans, those still with us and those already passed on. We thank you.

It is also a time for getting together with family. Picnics, volleyball, lots of fun, and it is families that I want to address today. You see, most of us lose who we have become when we gather with those that were involved in our 'bringing up'. Whether you are a parent or a child or a sibling, you resort to how it was and who you were - the role you either played or the role that was placed upon you.

With friends you become who you are. With family it is too easy to be trapped by who you were.

Think back to the activities of this long weekend or to the last time you got together with family or friends. Is it true? How can you change if you don't like the 'family role' you have been assigned, if it is no longer who you are?

I have a friend who is physically beautiful (inside as well as out), but she dresses down, almost frumpy at family gatherings, afraid that she will get untoward attention should she truly reveal who she has become - an intelligent beautiful woman. I also know of a young adult who reverts to being 'the introvert' because this person's family is critical, lovingly critical but critical nevertheless, and so it is easier to take a background seat, fade back, avoid. Even worse, what about the person who is attacked (verbally) at every family gathering, in a joking way - that cuts like a knife? What to do?

The first step? "First tell yourself what you want to be; and then do what you need to do." 

Epictetus (55-135 AD)

Epictetus believed that suffering occurs from trying to control what is uncontrollable, or from neglecting what is within our power. So make the change. Be strong.

"At the heart of your being lies your answer. You know who you are and what you want."

Laozi (Zhou Dynasty 1046–256 BC)

What serves you best is to be who you are. Speak your mind. Show your intelligence. Refute the child in you if being that child no longer serves you. It may be hard for you, and a shock to the dynamic. But change takes courage. Asserting yourself in a kind and nonthreatening way is wisdom in motion.

COLLISIONS

"Life is a series of collisions with the future; 

it is not the sum of what we have been, but what we yearn to be."

Jose' Ortega Y Gasset (1883-1955)

AND SO IT IS

And So It Is

When I’m alone

My thoughts they roam

With no apparent plan.

Sometimes I try

But away they fly

Stay focused? I rarely can.

But are we supposed

To always show

An end result for a thought?

Or maybe we

Are supposed to be

Exactly how we are.

An original poem by Nancy Elizabeth Luz (c) 2011

Yesterday the discussion was about staying focused. That the ability to focus is what constitutes success. I still believe that is true, but focusing on being focused all the time, not only is exhausting it's impossible. 

So enjoy those times that a wandering mind demands. Creativity bubbles up when the mind is at rest. The key? Balance. When creativity strikes, that's the time to act. 

Realizing your dream may take a concentrated effort; but if your dream contains the spirit of you, it will be like no effort at all - more like flowing with the stream, riding the wind, sailing the current.

"Through work you charge all things you fashion with the breath of your own spirit."  

Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931)

Make every effort the spirit of you. 

DISCIPLINE

Discipline: to train oneself to do something in a controlled and habitual way.  It is something we all strive for, know we should be better at, or fail miserably when attempting to be so. 

A good source of self-inflicted guilt, discipline can hang over our heads like a black cloud.

Maybe that's because the other meaning behind the word contains punishment. Discipline also means: to train someone to obey rules or codes of behavior, utilizing punishment to correct disobedience. 

No wonder we so easily resist discipline. We wouldn't punish ourselves! We can get away with not doing, right?

But we do punish ourselves, through guilt. When I began these writings I was determined to write six days a week, taking only Saturdays off. And I did well for a while. Then the lens became less focused. Entries felt repetitious. Readership leveled. Does a lack of vision promote complacency? Does complacency make me feel guilty when I don't write? 

You see, discipline involves focus. An ideal must be set. Regarding Smiles, Frowns, and Kisses, I was hoping the vision would become clearer the more I wrote. And in some regard it did, but not to the degree required. 

And so, as the actor Alan Rickman (1946- ) says:

"There's a voice inside you that tells you what you should do."

And so I focus again. Re-focusing must be key. 

The future for Smiles, Frowns, and Kisses is feelings. It's what life is about is it not? We smile. We frown. We love. Feelings are what drives behavior, makes us who we are - and can cause more confusion than we may want to acknowledge. So let's tackle that. 

My original goal in starting this blog was to help people recognize their importance - to their friends and families, to themselves, and in the world - a world in which not all is equal.

So, I urge you as I urge myself:

"The first and best victory is to conquer self." 

Plato (427 BC-327 BC)

See you tomorrow.

CONGRATULATIONS GRADUATES!

"Whatever you do or dream you can do – begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it." 

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)

VIBRATION SCIENCE

"The source of every sound is a vibrating body."

From the song 'Vibration Science' by Kaleidoscope Jukebox

Source: collective-evolution.com

"It is through the law of vibration that the mind exercises control (or thoughts)... We know that every mental action is a vibration... and we know that all form is simply a mode of motion, a rate of vibration. Everything in the Universe is what it is by virtue of its rate of vibration.

The first form which thought will find is language, or words; this determines the importance of words; they are the first manifestation of thought - the vessels in which thought is carried. They take hold of the ether and by setting it in motion reproduce the thought to others in the form of sound.

We cannot escape from the pictures we incessantly photograph on the mind (and share with others), and this photography of erroneous conceptions is exactly what is being done by the use of words when we use any form of language which is not identified with our (or other's) welfare.

Change the rate of vibration and you change the nature, quality, and form of the world you experience."

Charles Haanel (1866-1949)

Let's make it a good one!

ESSAY ON MAN

"Man never knows precisely what is right

So torn between a purpose and a doubt.

He first makes windows to let in the light

And then hangs curtains up to shut it out."

Author Unknown

NATURE'S CHILD

“I sadly want a reform in the construction of children. Nature's only idea seems to be to make them machines for the production of incessant noise.” 

Wilkie Collins (1824-1889)

ON CHILDREN

Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931) On Children, from the book The Prophet (1923)

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you, they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls; for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For Life goes not backwards nor tarries with yesterday.

...You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day is a time to give thanks to our Moms for all the things they have done for us over the years. As with most everything in modern day life, Mother's Day has become over the top commercialized, and so we buy gifts and send cards and make the obligatory visit. Despite that though, we are happy that this day rolls around each year to remind us that our Moms are to be celebrated.

If we are lucky. Sometimes Life isn't always rosy. Abandonment, abuse, neglect exist for some children and those hurts last. We can only look to people like Oprah and Tony Robbins for inspiration. Their childhoods were not so easy but their Moms did bring them into this world, and I think we would all agree, they've made the world a better place for having been in it!

There are some who say that we are on this earth to experience, and we cannot know joy unless we know sorrow, we cannot know love unless we know its lack. And that we choose the circumstances we are born into - the love, the sorrow, the poverty, or the riches. It's a curious thought indeed. But what if we do return again and again in order to experience? With each day, through experience, we learn more and more. Why not Life after Life as well? 

THE SEA

The Sea

Vast in volume

Wondrous wide

Mysterious and deep

Sea of silence

Won’t you share

The secrets that you keep?

An original poem by Nancy Elizabeth Luz 

(c) 2012

HAPPY THEY ARE BACK

It is estimated that from 30-60 million bison may have roamed North America prior to the mid-1800s. Market hunting and sport hunting in the 1800's by European-American settlers and the U.S. Army campaign in the late 1800's to eliminate bison (as a way to control Native American tribes that depended on them for food), nearly decimated the species. Yellowstone was the only place in the contiguous 48 states where wild, free-ranging bison persisted into the 20th century. 

By 1902, Yellowstone’s bison were reduced by poaching to approximately two dozen animals. From that small herd has grown the two large herds now occupying Yellowstone National Park. Many people consider the protection and recovery of bison in Yellowstone to be one of the great triumphs of American conservation. 

Yellowstone is the only place in the United States where bison have lived continuously since prehistoric times. 

Bison fun facts: 

• In Yellowstone today, the bison population fluctuates between 2300-4500 animals.
• The bison is the largest land mammal in North America. Males (bulls) weigh up to 2,000 pounds, females (cows) weigh up to 1,000 pounds.
• Bison are among the most dangerous animals encountered by visitors to the various U.S. and Canadian national parks and will attack humans if provoked. They appear slow because of their lethargic movements but can easily outrun humans. 
• Bison have been observed running as fast as 40 miles per hour. 
• They can jump 6 feet vertically and pivot quickly.
• A bison’s massive hump is comprised of muscles supported by long vertebrae. This allows a bison to use its head as a snowplow in winter, swinging side to side to sweep aside the snow!

Not sure about you, but I'm glad they are back! And like the rest of Nature, they should be left to be what they are. Wild and free.

"The greatest joy in nature is the absence of man."

Bliss Carman (1861-1929) 

GIANT REDWOOD

How sad...

"The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the eyes of others only a green thing that stands in the way. Some see Nature all ridicule and deformity... and some scarce see Nature at all. But to the eyes of the man of imagination, 
Nature is imagination itself."

William Blake (1757-1827)

According to Wikipedia, these giant evergreen trees are Sequoia sempervirens and are the sole living species of the genus Sequoia in the cypress family. Common names include Coast Redwood, California Redwood, and Giant Redwood. These massive trees live 1200–1800 years or more! The species includes the tallest trees living now on Earth, reaching up to 379 feet in height and up to 26 feet in diameter. 

An estimated 95% or more of the original old-growth redwood forest has been cut down for lumber. What an awful testimonial to man that he should see such grandeur and just destroy it. Thankfully, what is left is now protected in the Redwood National Forest in Northern California. If you visit California try to get to see them. They are jaw-droppingly beautiful.

Before commercial logging and clearing began by the 1850s, the Giant Redwood occurred naturally in an estimated 2,100,000 acres along much of coastal California (excluding southern California where rainfall is not sufficient) and the southwestern corner of coastal Oregon within the United States. 

VALERIUS

Valerius Maximus was a writer in ancient Rome during the reign of Tiberius (AD 14 - 37). His most famous writing, Memorable Doings and Sayings is instructional in nature and arranged in short chapters, each focusing on a particular virtue (anger, cruelty, bravery, gratitude, etc.). 

Valerius gives an unending number of examples of life in and around Rome in the first century AD, incorporating a moral undertone and words of wisdom. For centuries his book was used as a guide for Roman etiquette.

Having never heard of him, I was surprised to hear his name called out to me in a dream, as if I were him!

"Step out of the shadows Valerius!"

What does it mean? I could only imagine! Where the mind goes in sleep is so very mysterious.

I looked 'Valerius' up on line, and discovered that he was a writer, with interests similar to mine! Of course... I had to read Memorable Doings and Sayings, and am halfway through it now. Perhaps through dream, he was trying to tell me to focus -- to keep on writing. 

In honor of the ancient writer here is one of his musings, and one of my favorites:

"The richest nourishment of virtue is honor."

A C T I O N S

"You cannot have a proud and chivalrous spirit if your conduct is mean and paltry; 

for whatever your actions are, such must be your spirit."

Demosthenes (383-322 BC)

R E A S O N

"OUR CHIEF AFFLICTION IS THAT WE LIVE NOT ACCORDING TO THE LIGHT OF REASON, 

BUT AFTER THE FASHION OF OTHERS."

Seneca (4 BC - AD 65)

"You had mentioned that day, the burden on owners of gun stores that the expanded background checks would harm. I am just wondering why the burden of my mother being gunned down in the halls of her elementary school isn't more important than that." 

Erica Lafferty, daughter of Dawn Hochsprung who was gunned down by Newtown shooter Adam Lanza, in speaking with Senator Ayotte at a local town meeting as to why she voted against background checks for gun sales.