THE ROLES WE PLAY

Today is Memorial Day, a time to remember those who have gone before us and to honor our veterans, those still with us and those already passed on. We thank you.

It is also a time for getting together with family. Picnics, volleyball, lots of fun, and it is families that I want to address today. You see, most of us lose who we have become when we gather with those that were involved in our 'bringing up'. Whether you are a parent or a child or a sibling, you resort to how it was and who you were - the role you either played or the role that was placed upon you.

With friends you become who you are. With family it is too easy to be trapped by who you were.

Think back to the activities of this long weekend or to the last time you got together with family or friends. Is it true? How can you change if you don't like the 'family role' you have been assigned, if it is no longer who you are?

I have a friend who is physically beautiful (inside as well as out), but she dresses down, almost frumpy at family gatherings, afraid that she will get untoward attention should she truly reveal who she has become - an intelligent beautiful woman. I also know of a young adult who reverts to being 'the introvert' because this person's family is critical, lovingly critical but critical nevertheless, and so it is easier to take a background seat, fade back, avoid. Even worse, what about the person who is attacked (verbally) at every family gathering, in a joking way - that cuts like a knife? What to do?

The first step? "First tell yourself what you want to be; and then do what you need to do." 

Epictetus (55-135 AD)

Epictetus believed that suffering occurs from trying to control what is uncontrollable, or from neglecting what is within our power. So make the change. Be strong.

"At the heart of your being lies your answer. You know who you are and what you want."

Laozi (Zhou Dynasty 1046–256 BC)

What serves you best is to be who you are. Speak your mind. Show your intelligence. Refute the child in you if being that child no longer serves you. It may be hard for you, and a shock to the dynamic. But change takes courage. Asserting yourself in a kind and nonthreatening way is wisdom in motion.