"Not one single moment of life can be regained for millions of gold coins. Therefore, what greater loss is there than time spent fruitlessly?"
Chanakya Pandit (350-283 BC)
June 08, 2013
June 06, 2013
WHAT HAPPENS TO LIFE?
Life?
"Life is what happens while you're making other plans."
Author Unknown
I have seen this saying several times, its authorship contributed to various people, from Allen Saunders in the 1950's to John Lennon in the 1980's, as well as various other sources in the 60's and 70's.
The first time I ever saw it was on the tag of my tea bag back in the 1970's when I was just out of college. Regardless of who originated it, it is a powerful statement and caught me quite by surprise. I remember taping it to my telephone at work (where it stayed for years), deciding right then and there that I wanted to be aware as I went through life, not waking up years later and asking, "What happened?"
Even so, it takes effort to maintain an awareness. We are so easily distracted as a species. Friendships, arguments, marriages, misunderstandings, children, illnesses, work; they all get in the way of living!
I've decided that as long as I am happy I am maintaining some level of awareness and when things are bad or sad, I've lost that awareness. For life is, or should be, happiness. And happiness is harmony. And harmony is the ability to control how interactions with others affects us. We forget that we really are in charge of our own lives. It's your choice.
"Take care of each moment and you take care of all time."
The Buddha (563-483 BC)
June 03, 2013
BE LIKE WATER
The best way to live is to be like water,For water benefits all things and goes against none of them.
It provides for all people and even cleanses those places a man is loath to go.
Live in accordance with the Nature of things.
When giving, be kind.
When speaking, be truthful.
When ruling, be just.
When working, be one-pointed.
When acting, remember - timing is everything.
... Move in harmony with the present moment.
From the Tao Te Ching (~500 BC)
May 30, 2013
WORDS TO LIVE BY
"Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me."
Carol Burnett (1933 - )
Carol Burnett is living proof that you can change your life. Born of alcoholic parents and raised by her grandmother, she stumbled into acting in college while studying to be a writer. With her mother's harsh words still lingering in her ears, "You can always write, no matter what you look like", she took the stage, having to as part of her curriculum - and the audience loved her comedic display.
Said Burnett, "All of a sudden, after so much coldness and emptiness in my life, I knew the sensation of all that warmth wrapping around me. I had always been a quiet, shy, sad sort of girl and then everything changed for me. You spend the rest of your life hoping you'll hear a laugh that great again."
There is no need to be the mold of someone else's ideal. Pay attention to (supposed) coincidence and chance, and move when inspired.
Make your life be what you want it to be.
May 29, 2013
A LIFE SHARED
Thirty-seven years ago today, I married my best friend, my husband. How does a love last so long? Understanding - Compromise - Laughter
A Life Shared
My, oh my how time does fly
I look back and I think
On all the times of life
we’ve had
Such memories that I keep.
We were mere children when we
met
So very long ago
Searching for that friend for
life
For love, could we make it
so?
Trouble here and trouble
there
We both had our share
Bad times, sad times, mad
times too
Even so you always cared.
Looking back on friends we
miss
Some family forever gone
Loves that failed, children
derailed,
You and me we never let go.
Hand in hand we’d walk this
land
Never to be alone
A promise made so long ago
The same as written in stone.
We’ve had this one life to
live
And with nothing had it all
Me and you we always knew
Stay true and neither would
fall.
To this in retrospect my love
Best friend forever more
As we grow old in each
other's arms
My love for you still soars!
An original poem by Nancy Elizabeth Luz (C) 2011
May 28, 2013
85 %
I have read that 85% of American families are dysfunctional. The criteria that was used to define 'dysfunctional' was never revealed, but suffice it to say that most of us do not come from the ideal and ever-perfect family.
That said, and being that we are overall the byproduct of dysfunctionality, do we also contribute? Do we look everywhere but internally while claiming dysfunctional! As Michael Jackson sang, "I'm starting with the man in the mirror."
Much of behavior is learned - think back to Pavlov's dogs. According to modern psychology, "...people can learn to associate neutral stimuli (such as smell or sounds) that produce reflexive, involuntary responses (such as salivation or feelings of serenity or anxiety)." For me, I get a nostalgic feeling and a deep serenity every time I hear a twin engine plane drone overhead. The feeling is intensified if it is raining lightly. On the other hand, the buzzing of a wasp or the voice of a certain someone...
Hmm... Does just the sound of the shrill voice of a relative also send you into a spin? Does the sight of your cousin's car pulling into your driveway send you into a depression? Do you react historically, in a Pavlov's dogs reaction?
When we manifest a conditioned response (our reaction) we give perpetual life to the unwanted behavior by others (the trigger, or in psych terms - the stimuli). It's a give and take, a merry-go-round that is not at all merry. Someone annoys you and so you push their buttons. Maybe you say nothing and the perpetrator goes unchallenged. What does this do? It gives the situation strength and endurability. Psychologists would say the conditioned response (you) becomes a 'reinforcer' and gives ongoing life to whatever dysfunctional interaction is in play.
Finding a way out of this kind of trap and calling 'game over' is one of the hardest things a person can do. No one wants to alienate or insult another, especially if these people are family or close acquaintances, and standing up for ourselves can be difficult.
So, for some great tips on how to handle difficult people (while keeping yourself sane), check out this link for a fascinating look into human behavior types and the most effective way to interact with them.
https://www.deepakchopra.com/blog/article/4497
That said, and being that we are overall the byproduct of dysfunctionality, do we also contribute? Do we look everywhere but internally while claiming dysfunctional! As Michael Jackson sang, "I'm starting with the man in the mirror."
Much of behavior is learned - think back to Pavlov's dogs. According to modern psychology, "...people can learn to associate neutral stimuli (such as smell or sounds) that produce reflexive, involuntary responses (such as salivation or feelings of serenity or anxiety)." For me, I get a nostalgic feeling and a deep serenity every time I hear a twin engine plane drone overhead. The feeling is intensified if it is raining lightly. On the other hand, the buzzing of a wasp or the voice of a certain someone...
Hmm... Does just the sound of the shrill voice of a relative also send you into a spin? Does the sight of your cousin's car pulling into your driveway send you into a depression? Do you react historically, in a Pavlov's dogs reaction?
When we manifest a conditioned response (our reaction) we give perpetual life to the unwanted behavior by others (the trigger, or in psych terms - the stimuli). It's a give and take, a merry-go-round that is not at all merry. Someone annoys you and so you push their buttons. Maybe you say nothing and the perpetrator goes unchallenged. What does this do? It gives the situation strength and endurability. Psychologists would say the conditioned response (you) becomes a 'reinforcer' and gives ongoing life to whatever dysfunctional interaction is in play.
Finding a way out of this kind of trap and calling 'game over' is one of the hardest things a person can do. No one wants to alienate or insult another, especially if these people are family or close acquaintances, and standing up for ourselves can be difficult.
So, for some great tips on how to handle difficult people (while keeping yourself sane), check out this link for a fascinating look into human behavior types and the most effective way to interact with them.
https://www.deepakchopra.com/blog/article/4497
Perhaps we can get that 85% down a little!
May 27, 2013
THE ROLES WE PLAY
Today is Memorial Day, a time to remember those who have gone before us and to honor our veterans, those still with us and those already passed on. We thank you.
It is also a time for getting together with family. Picnics, volleyball, lots of fun, and it is families that I want to address today. You see, most of us lose who we have become when we gather with those that were involved in our 'bringing up'. Whether you are a parent or a child or a sibling, you resort to how it was and who you were - the role you either played or the role that was placed upon you.
With friends you become who you are. With family it is too easy to be trapped by who you were.
Think back to the activities of this long weekend or to the last time you got together with family or friends. Is it true? How can you change if you don't like the 'family role' you have been assigned, if it is no longer who you are?
I have a friend who is physically beautiful (inside as well as out), but she dresses down, almost frumpy at family gatherings, afraid that she will get untoward attention should she truly reveal who she has become - an intelligent beautiful woman. I also know of a young adult who reverts to being 'the introvert' because this person's family is critical, lovingly critical but critical nevertheless, and so it is easier to take a background seat, fade back, avoid. Even worse, what about the person who is attacked (verbally) at every family gathering, in a joking way - that cuts like a knife? What to do?
Epictetus believed that suffering occurs from trying to control what is uncontrollable, or from neglecting what is within our power. So make the change. Be strong.
What serves you best is to be who you are. Speak your mind. Show your intelligence. Refute the child in you if being that child no longer serves you. It may be hard for you, and a shock to the dynamic. But change takes courage. Asserting yourself in a kind and nonthreatening way is wisdom in motion.
It is also a time for getting together with family. Picnics, volleyball, lots of fun, and it is families that I want to address today. You see, most of us lose who we have become when we gather with those that were involved in our 'bringing up'. Whether you are a parent or a child or a sibling, you resort to how it was and who you were - the role you either played or the role that was placed upon you.
With friends you become who you are. With family it is too easy to be trapped by who you were.
Think back to the activities of this long weekend or to the last time you got together with family or friends. Is it true? How can you change if you don't like the 'family role' you have been assigned, if it is no longer who you are?
I have a friend who is physically beautiful (inside as well as out), but she dresses down, almost frumpy at family gatherings, afraid that she will get untoward attention should she truly reveal who she has become - an intelligent beautiful woman. I also know of a young adult who reverts to being 'the introvert' because this person's family is critical, lovingly critical but critical nevertheless, and so it is easier to take a background seat, fade back, avoid. Even worse, what about the person who is attacked (verbally) at every family gathering, in a joking way - that cuts like a knife? What to do?
The first step? "First tell yourself what you want to be; and then do what you need to do."
Epictetus (55-135 AD)
Epictetus believed that suffering occurs from trying to control what is uncontrollable, or from neglecting what is within our power. So make the change. Be strong.
"At the heart of your being lies your answer. You know who you are and what you want."
Laozi (Zhou Dynasty 1046–256 BC)
What serves you best is to be who you are. Speak your mind. Show your intelligence. Refute the child in you if being that child no longer serves you. It may be hard for you, and a shock to the dynamic. But change takes courage. Asserting yourself in a kind and nonthreatening way is wisdom in motion.
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