I have read that 85% of American families are dysfunctional. The criteria that was used to define 'dysfunctional' was never revealed, but suffice it to say that most of us do not come from the ideal and ever-perfect family.
That said, and being that we are overall the byproduct of dysfunctionality, do we also contribute? Do we look everywhere but internally while claiming dysfunctional! As Michael Jackson sang, "I'm starting with the man in the mirror."
Much of behavior is learned - think back to Pavlov's dogs. According to modern psychology, "...people can learn to associate neutral stimuli (such as smell or sounds) that produce reflexive, involuntary responses (such as salivation or feelings of serenity or anxiety)." For me, I get a nostalgic feeling and a deep serenity every time I hear a twin engine plane drone overhead. The feeling is intensified if it is raining lightly. On the other hand, the buzzing of a wasp or the voice of a certain someone...
Hmm... Does just the sound of the shrill voice of a relative also send you into a spin? Does the sight of your cousin's car pulling into your driveway send you into a depression? Do you react historically, in a Pavlov's dogs reaction?
When we manifest a conditioned response (our reaction) we give perpetual life to the unwanted behavior by others (the trigger, or in psych terms - the stimuli). It's a give and take, a merry-go-round that is not at all merry. Someone annoys you and so you push their buttons. Maybe you say nothing and the perpetrator goes unchallenged. What does this do? It gives the situation strength and endurability. Psychologists would say the conditioned response (you) becomes a 'reinforcer' and gives ongoing life to whatever dysfunctional interaction is in play.
Finding a way out of this kind of trap and calling 'game over' is one of the hardest things a person can do. No one wants to alienate or insult another, especially if these people are family or close acquaintances, and standing up for ourselves can be difficult.
So, for some great tips on how to handle difficult people (while keeping yourself sane), check out this link for a fascinating look into human behavior types and the most effective way to interact with them.
https://www.deepakchopra.com/blog/article/4497
That said, and being that we are overall the byproduct of dysfunctionality, do we also contribute? Do we look everywhere but internally while claiming dysfunctional! As Michael Jackson sang, "I'm starting with the man in the mirror."
Much of behavior is learned - think back to Pavlov's dogs. According to modern psychology, "...people can learn to associate neutral stimuli (such as smell or sounds) that produce reflexive, involuntary responses (such as salivation or feelings of serenity or anxiety)." For me, I get a nostalgic feeling and a deep serenity every time I hear a twin engine plane drone overhead. The feeling is intensified if it is raining lightly. On the other hand, the buzzing of a wasp or the voice of a certain someone...
Hmm... Does just the sound of the shrill voice of a relative also send you into a spin? Does the sight of your cousin's car pulling into your driveway send you into a depression? Do you react historically, in a Pavlov's dogs reaction?
When we manifest a conditioned response (our reaction) we give perpetual life to the unwanted behavior by others (the trigger, or in psych terms - the stimuli). It's a give and take, a merry-go-round that is not at all merry. Someone annoys you and so you push their buttons. Maybe you say nothing and the perpetrator goes unchallenged. What does this do? It gives the situation strength and endurability. Psychologists would say the conditioned response (you) becomes a 'reinforcer' and gives ongoing life to whatever dysfunctional interaction is in play.
Finding a way out of this kind of trap and calling 'game over' is one of the hardest things a person can do. No one wants to alienate or insult another, especially if these people are family or close acquaintances, and standing up for ourselves can be difficult.
So, for some great tips on how to handle difficult people (while keeping yourself sane), check out this link for a fascinating look into human behavior types and the most effective way to interact with them.
https://www.deepakchopra.com/blog/article/4497
Perhaps we can get that 85% down a little!
No comments:
Post a Comment